How do I cope with a toxic workplace?

Toxicity is back-stabbing, white-anting and bullying, and can lead to the complete breakdown of trust and mental health. Toxicity is the layman term for what the Work Health and Safety Act has prescribed as psychological safety. 

Check, check, check! Been there, taken the ride and bought the T-shirt which took me years to peel off. 

So how does toxicity grow? 

Humans have an inherent need to be right. It can also be highly addictive. Psychologists and scientists will talk about crocodilian brains, fight- flight-please-appease responses and the amygdala of the brain having such an impact on our responses. We all have them, but many cannot control the impulses. When we combine just one or two of these people in a situation it can cause all of us to react. I’m also sure that those of us thinking we are not the transgressors have at least once stepped into that arena, perhaps without the same fervor or consequences but I’m sure we have. It can be as simple as that satisfaction we feel when we win an argument, make a point later proven correct, or convince someone of our point of view. 

Psychological safety in the workplace means that we should be able to talk openly, raise ideas and be ourselves without being shouted down, told we are stupid, eye rolling, sighing and ‘playing the man and not the ball’. It is also not just a ‘male’ thing. I have worked in psychologically unsafe workplaces that were dominated by alpha-females. So with the government enacting a law to protect workers, it is quite broad and will be reliant on precedent as more cases reach legal resolution. The onus appears to be on the leadership to provide a safe workplace, but processes and words alone will not create that. Nor will repeated assuredness by an executive team. It will come with time and action, and it will be built from the ground up as much as from the top down. If we do not stand and deliver, making use of the legislation, then it will remain just words on a memo that no-one buys into.

Communication is one key component. It is our greatest challenge as individuals and we all have strength in communication - it’s just that oftentimes our strength area does not match the situation or the person we are communicating with. Whether spoken, written, non-verbal, technical, emotional, persuasive, factual… rarely does our ‘meaning’ match that of the receiver. 

What we say is not what the other person hears. As both a Detective and literacy academic I know that meaning is interpreted by experience. Our context (history, knowledge, experience, economic, politics, education etc) shapes our perspective and no two are the same. When we try to communicate an idea we are driven not only by our perspective, as balanced, unbiased  and informed as that may be, it is driven by the amygdala and our inherent need to be right. Combating that is the receivers threat perception and own perspective. If the receiver feels threatened they will react with flight or fight. When it comes to workplaces - think money, ladder climbing, reward and recognition and it is likely to result in ‘fight’. 

Our minds create movies and our brains have all of the details. The research, the context, the results, the underlying theories, the checks and balances that have been weighed through as you made the decision. When we communicate, we tell an abbreviated version of this. Even when we write, we think we have filled in all of the necessary information, but when looked at by a third party there are many gaps. This is because the brain already knows the full story, and our mouth-hand connection doesn’t realize that our brain simply filled in the gaps. The person on the other end of this message is already creating a movie of their own in response. Their movie is not just a simple film however. In mere microseconds, their brain has the entire Star Wars franchise coming together, a prequel, a sequel and a few spin-offs. They are bringing anything and everything scary from their past that remotely resembles what they ‘think they are hearing’. After the first 12-18 seconds of conversation they have already tuned out to start pre-production. 

So how can we simply apply this knowledge to the workplace?

Slow down. I don’t care how busy you think you are or how busy your executive thinks you need to be. Miscommunication in the workplace costs $6000 per year, and we spend 1.5 days per annum ‘clarifying emails’. Imagine how much is missed in verbal communication?

Psychologically safe workplaces use wording such as …

“Just so I know I’ve given you the details you need to make a decision, can you tell me what you understand about what I’ve told you?”

“I’ve done a lot of work on this and there are probably some details that you might find important, or feel that I may have missed that I can clarify for you”

These openers show vulnerability, tells the responder that you have done a lot of work that needs respect, but gives the responder approval to question without threatening. It also respects the responder by acknowledging that they may have other requirements and you are trying to meet them.

In our Crime Story workshops I find that within minutes of beginning the investigation participants have engaged so fully that their natural personality takes over. After two investigations and some challenging interviews with witnesses/suspects, they are flying their true colours. When we give them the power of being the Detective in charge, the inherent power frame they adopt reveals the imbalances in communication. Dominating, needing to be right and not listening. It is a mirror to their interactions with colleagues and clients and can reveal limitations in their practice.

In all but the most life threatening of circumstances as a Detective and teacher I have had time to make these acknowledgements. As a specialist Child, Cognitive and Conversation management interviewer I would make notes and tell the responder, “Please don’t think that I’m not paying attention, but what you have to say is so important that I want to make sure I don’t miss anything you have said”. If you apply that same sentiment in your workplace conversations it shows the other person you value them. It also gives you the moral high ground to expect the same courtesy when they next deal with you. Set the standard.